The next time you argue with your wife, drop the shaming, blaming, the guilt trips, the needing to be right, and really listen without interrupting. Close your mouth and open your ears.
It's not your partner's
job to read your mind, guess what you're thinking, or put words into
your mouth. These are huge road blocks to open, honest communication and
will guarantee resentment, anger, and frustration in the relationship.
Fair is fair. You may have forgotten about it,
but now's the time to bring it back into your relationship. Are you both
being fair when it comes to divvying up chores, communicating your
needs, telling her exactly what you want, dealing with finances, parenting, and
supporting each other? If not, how can you improve? Think of it like this; She washes your filthy underwear, you take out the trash. Give and take. Do your share in the relationship. If your partner is working and your not then you should be doing the majority of the chores anyhow. That's just common sense.
Nothing is more important in a marriage than the relationship between
husband and wife. When other things become more important, such as
careers, children, and personal stuff like fantasy football, or hanging out with the guys, trouble comes creeping in. Make the
relationship your top priority. When you do, the marriage flourishes. I struggled with this for a long time and I'm now working on this problem and the benefits are great! I still have my moments but all in all I think it's getting better.
APPRECIATE YOUR WIFE!!! Show it, tell them how much you appreciate them and everything they do. Do things for her to let her know you still care about her. Rub her feet, shoulders, back. Whatever...just do something nice for her.
One of the most important factors in a marriage is respect. Respect
each other, avoid verbal abuse, and keep insults to yourself. Bad words
are just like squeezing toothpaste out of its tube—once it is out you
can never get it back in again. So before you open your mouth to say something stupid (like I do) think about it first. The consequences could be disastrous. Think it...don't say it.
You're entitled to the occasional bad mood. You're NOT entitled to make your partner the whipping boy. I have a hard time with this one since my wife is the one who I talk to. It seems natural that she's going to get the shit end of my problems simply because she's there. But why should she? She's there to help me, not be verbally abused. So who gets the bad? YOU DO. It's your bad mood not anyone else's. Deal with it and try not to take it out on anybody else.
Research consistently shows that touching more creates a stronger bond
by releasing oxytocin. Hold hands, rub shoulders, hug, kiss, or just the occasional butt pats. When you give a quick hug
or kiss, try to lengthen it to at least 5-10 seconds (if it's not too awkward). Just to show you care.
Dec 19, 2012
Nov 4, 2012
Tidbits
Be patient and understanding. Surely we all could be more
patient and understanding, especially with the people we love. This is
doubly so for people who are married, if for no better reason than
because you'll still be there after whatever caused the stress blows over. And well, because you love her, right?
Be open. She may have ideas or opinions you might not want to hear. Try to be open anyway. This doesn't mean you have to agree with everything she says, but it does mean that you don't have to argue with her.
Demonstrate. It's not enough to tell your wife you love her, or to buy her a card every now and then. If you truly love your wife, and want to be a good husband, you have to do things periodically to show it. Things like surprise her with stuff she likes. Or things like hugging and kissing her even if it won't lead to sex. Do things that mean something to just the two of you. And remember, once in a blue moon is not enough! You need to do something demonstrative just about much every day.
Be respectful. Don't yell at her. Don't call her names. Don't demean her. Say please and thank you. Open the door for her. Get things for her without asking. These are things guys do to show they love someone. If you don't do them, she's likely to think you don't.
Be open. She may have ideas or opinions you might not want to hear. Try to be open anyway. This doesn't mean you have to agree with everything she says, but it does mean that you don't have to argue with her.
Demonstrate. It's not enough to tell your wife you love her, or to buy her a card every now and then. If you truly love your wife, and want to be a good husband, you have to do things periodically to show it. Things like surprise her with stuff she likes. Or things like hugging and kissing her even if it won't lead to sex. Do things that mean something to just the two of you. And remember, once in a blue moon is not enough! You need to do something demonstrative just about much every day.
Be respectful. Don't yell at her. Don't call her names. Don't demean her. Say please and thank you. Open the door for her. Get things for her without asking. These are things guys do to show they love someone. If you don't do them, she's likely to think you don't.
Nov 2, 2012
What not to say.
1. Another woman’s name during sex
2. “You sound just like your mother.”
3. “You sound just like my ex-girlfriend.”
4. “Not tonight honey, the game is on."
5. “When are you going to stop talking?"
6. "No wonder your ex left you"
7. “What did you do to your hair?”
8. “It must be that time of the month.”
9. “I don’t care, whatever you want. It doesn’t matter to me.”
10. “Wow, she’s got a great rack.”
11. “You could have surgery for that.”
12. “Wow, he’s cute.”
13. “Don’t worry, I’ve got it under control.”
14. “I know I said I'd do it, be patient..”
15. “Okay, but only if you shower first.”
16. “I didn’t plan it, it just happened.”
17. "I just ate, but put in a dish and give it to the dogs."
18. “You kill it, I’m afraid of mice!”
19. “Will you do it if I trim them?”
20. “I’m sorry, I’ll try to hold out longer next time.”
21. “Can you feel it?”
22. Well, you seemed to be enjoying it.”
23. “I think you’ve had enough to eat.”
24. “Do you want to see it dance?”
25. “Maybe you should try kegels.”
2. “You sound just like your mother.”
3. “You sound just like my ex-girlfriend.”
4. “Not tonight honey, the game is on."
5. “When are you going to stop talking?"
6. "No wonder your ex left you"
7. “What did you do to your hair?”
8. “It must be that time of the month.”
9. “I don’t care, whatever you want. It doesn’t matter to me.”
10. “Wow, she’s got a great rack.”
11. “You could have surgery for that.”
12. “Wow, he’s cute.”
13. “Don’t worry, I’ve got it under control.”
14. “I know I said I'd do it, be patient..”
15. “Okay, but only if you shower first.”
16. “I didn’t plan it, it just happened.”
17. "I just ate, but put in a dish and give it to the dogs."
18. “You kill it, I’m afraid of mice!”
19. “Will you do it if I trim them?”
20. “I’m sorry, I’ll try to hold out longer next time.”
21. “Can you feel it?”
22. Well, you seemed to be enjoying it.”
23. “I think you’ve had enough to eat.”
24. “Do you want to see it dance?”
25. “Maybe you should try kegels.”
Great advice for husbands
http://www.markmerrill.com/2011/02/03/10-things-wives-want-to-hear-from-their-husbands/
I found this page to be very helpful. Check it out and maybe learn a thing or two.
I'd like to think my wife has heard all of these things from me. If not, she will now.
I found this page to be very helpful. Check it out and maybe learn a thing or two.
I'd like to think my wife has heard all of these things from me. If not, she will now.
Listening?
"To listen closely and reply well is the highest
perfection we are able to attain in the art of conversation." -unknown author
Listening.
It's been a problem
for a long time and I've been trying to work on it. I know that a lot of
husbands have this issue. Some guys are too busy thinking about other things or
simply just don't care what their wives/girlfriends have to say.
Listening requires
effort.
I found some helpful tips from this site:
http://www.askmen.com/dating/curtsmith_60/63_dating_advice.html
In order to avoid the temptation of wandering off into your
own little world, stay alert to what the person has to say and focus in on their
message.
Instead of trying to
think of a rebuttal while your spouse is talking, use this spare time to try
and understand their ideas, complaints or feedback.
If you find that you can't hear your spouse properly or
you're finding it hard to focus on the message, try to reduce or eliminate the
distractions: turn off the television, close the window, lower the music, or
move to a quieter area.
It's important for us to listen to them and validate what
they are saying. They want to know that we hear them as well as listen to them.
Yes there is a difference.
When they are talking, let them know that you are listening
to them by looking at them, eye contact is key. Use body language too. When
they are talking to you, if possible turn your body towards them to show you
are giving them your undivided attention. Nod your head or use facial
expressions, don't just sit there with a blank face or stare out the window.
That's just rude.
Even if it's something you don't really care about,
just know that it's important to her or
she wouldn't be talking about it. And take the initiative to ask her about her
day or how she's doing. That will show that you really care about them and
their feelings. They need to know that they can talk about anything to us and
that we won't criticize them or make them feel like we don't care.
Like I said, this is a problem for me and I'm doing what I
can to work on it.
What will you do?
Oct 31, 2012
guilty feelings
As I sit here and write this post I have this incredible feeling of guilt.
I feel guilty that my wife has to go off to work and I get to sit here and play on the computer all day.
I am actively searching for work and I know that something will come along eventually, yet I feel bad every morning when I see my wife leave to go to work and I'm still sitting here. I know it's somewhat ridiculous to feel this way, but it's how I feel and I can't help that.
Don't get me wrong, I do like hanging around the house and doing things for my wife that she doesn't have the time do, yet I still have this sense of laziness. I can't understand how anyone would want to live this way. I hear about husbands who stay at home and don't do anything all day but play video games and don't clean the house or anything, how can anyone be so selfish?
I don't get it and I don't like not contributing to the household responsibilities.
I feel guilty that my wife has to go off to work and I get to sit here and play on the computer all day.
I am actively searching for work and I know that something will come along eventually, yet I feel bad every morning when I see my wife leave to go to work and I'm still sitting here. I know it's somewhat ridiculous to feel this way, but it's how I feel and I can't help that.
Don't get me wrong, I do like hanging around the house and doing things for my wife that she doesn't have the time do, yet I still have this sense of laziness. I can't understand how anyone would want to live this way. I hear about husbands who stay at home and don't do anything all day but play video games and don't clean the house or anything, how can anyone be so selfish?
I don't get it and I don't like not contributing to the household responsibilities.
Oct 30, 2012
words of wisdom
'If you are going to argue, argue naked.'
"Don't go to bed angry at each other."
"Marriage is forever. You have to stick it out no matter how miserable you are."
" If you are taking your spouse for granted because you believe that your partner will always be there for you, you are making a huge mistake."
“Remember that a successful marriage depends on two things: (1) finding the right person and (2) being the right person.”
Whenever you're wrong admit it;
Whenever you're right shut up.
Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets.
Marriage is not just spiritual communion; it is also remembering to take out the trash.
If the wife ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.
"For women: Do not expect your husband to change after marriage.
For men: Do not expect your wife to change. ever."
Oct 26, 2012
Integrity
A woman wants a man who has integrity. Do what you say. Be upfront, honest and open. Be real.
I have struggled with this issue most of my adult life. I would say I'll do this or that and then never do it. Good intentions will get you exactly NOWHERE in life. You have to mean what you say and do what you say your gonna do. Simple as that. If I ask my wife if there's anything I can do around the house and she gives me a list of things to do, I'm damn sure gonna do it. Maybe not the second she wants it done, but it will get done. I'm not telling you to let her walk all over you and be her slave (although some women would just LOVE that) no, I'm talking about integrity. Follow through.
Be honest with your wife. If something is bothering you, let her know. Don't hold it in, it's not healthy. If she's doing something that you don't particularly like, let her know. Maybe you don't like her meatloaf or lasagna, tell her. Or maybe she shaves her legs and doesn't clean up after herself (some women are nasty) let her know it bothers you and try to be respectful about it. These are just examples, don't get carried away here.
You can make things much easier on yourself by being honest. Although some things are better left unsaid. They don't have to know EVERYTHING your thinking. There may be times when you would like to put a plastic bag around her...never mind, too far.
But you get the point.
But if it pertains to your marriage or her, let her know about it. This is how issues get resolved.
COMMUNICATION!! It goes a long way guys.
Be real. When you first met her you were probably all sweet and lovey, buying her flowers all the time and saying cute little things to her and after awhile those flowers stopped showing up and the cute little sayings have disappeared. Be real from the beginning. Be honest with your feelings and thoughts. This may not be easy for most men, however a lot women do want to know what's going on in that thick head of ours. So just be yourself from the get go. It's not too late to return to that sweet caring guy she met years ago.
Don't turn into the boring guy you see on t.v. shows. Be the man you wan to be all of the time. Be the loving, caring husband that has integrity and honesty. Be the man who's not afraid to share his feelings and thoughts with his wife or girlfriend. Women love it and sometimes it turns them on. Believe or not they do like it.
Stay tuned for more...
I have struggled with this issue most of my adult life. I would say I'll do this or that and then never do it. Good intentions will get you exactly NOWHERE in life. You have to mean what you say and do what you say your gonna do. Simple as that. If I ask my wife if there's anything I can do around the house and she gives me a list of things to do, I'm damn sure gonna do it. Maybe not the second she wants it done, but it will get done. I'm not telling you to let her walk all over you and be her slave (although some women would just LOVE that) no, I'm talking about integrity. Follow through.
Be honest with your wife. If something is bothering you, let her know. Don't hold it in, it's not healthy. If she's doing something that you don't particularly like, let her know. Maybe you don't like her meatloaf or lasagna, tell her. Or maybe she shaves her legs and doesn't clean up after herself (some women are nasty) let her know it bothers you and try to be respectful about it. These are just examples, don't get carried away here.
You can make things much easier on yourself by being honest. Although some things are better left unsaid. They don't have to know EVERYTHING your thinking. There may be times when you would like to put a plastic bag around her...never mind, too far.
But you get the point.
But if it pertains to your marriage or her, let her know about it. This is how issues get resolved.
COMMUNICATION!! It goes a long way guys.
Be real. When you first met her you were probably all sweet and lovey, buying her flowers all the time and saying cute little things to her and after awhile those flowers stopped showing up and the cute little sayings have disappeared. Be real from the beginning. Be honest with your feelings and thoughts. This may not be easy for most men, however a lot women do want to know what's going on in that thick head of ours. So just be yourself from the get go. It's not too late to return to that sweet caring guy she met years ago.
Don't turn into the boring guy you see on t.v. shows. Be the man you wan to be all of the time. Be the loving, caring husband that has integrity and honesty. Be the man who's not afraid to share his feelings and thoughts with his wife or girlfriend. Women love it and sometimes it turns them on. Believe or not they do like it.
Stay tuned for more...
It's the little things...
The times are changing guys!!! Things aren't what they used to be. Women are out there busting their butts to put food on the table and put games in your PS3 or XBOX!!
How many of you are sitting at home right now playing PS3, eating doughnuts, posting on Facebook or Twitter and doing nothing constructive? These are the men I'm trying to reach in this blog. I offer you tips and advice on how to make your lives (and wives) a little happier. We need to support and RESPECT our wives for who they are and what they are doing. So please, listen up!!
It's not easy being married. That in itself is an understatement. However, it doesn't have to be all that difficult. Mainly it's the little things us husbands can do for our wives that make the biggest difference.
What am I talking about? Well for instance, say your wife works 2 jobs and and your sitting at home playing PS3 all day, take an hour to clean the house up, do the dishes, vacuum, whatever, it's a little thing you can do to make her life a little easier. If you truly love and respect her (which is another topic all together) you'll be happy to do these little things. I know men are typically lazy and would rather be working in the garage or working on the car, but don't forget the laundry and the dusting. Doesn't really sound like manly work I know, but, why not do it and enjoy the praise you'll get when the wife comes home? Seriously, what else are you doing with your time??!!
Little things go a long way for a woman. When my wife says "ice cream sounds really good right now." I get up and get her a bowl of ice cream. She doesn't have to ask for it, it just appears. I heard "ice cream sounds really good right now", but what she was saying was "I worked my ass off today and I would love a bowl of ice cream, would you please get me some? Thank you I'll love you forever". It's the little things guys. Foot rubs also go a very long way. It's something my wife loves and greatly appreciates when I do it. Again she doesn't (and shouldn't) have to ask for. I'm not doing anything better anyway. It shows that I care about her needs and it says I respect you and you'd do it for me. And hey you never know, that foot rub might lead to more erotic things!! Why wouldn't you want to do that??!!
Respect and love your wives by showing them you give a crap.
These are just a few tips I have to offer, more to come.
How many of you are sitting at home right now playing PS3, eating doughnuts, posting on Facebook or Twitter and doing nothing constructive? These are the men I'm trying to reach in this blog. I offer you tips and advice on how to make your lives (and wives) a little happier. We need to support and RESPECT our wives for who they are and what they are doing. So please, listen up!!
It's not easy being married. That in itself is an understatement. However, it doesn't have to be all that difficult. Mainly it's the little things us husbands can do for our wives that make the biggest difference.
What am I talking about? Well for instance, say your wife works 2 jobs and and your sitting at home playing PS3 all day, take an hour to clean the house up, do the dishes, vacuum, whatever, it's a little thing you can do to make her life a little easier. If you truly love and respect her (which is another topic all together) you'll be happy to do these little things. I know men are typically lazy and would rather be working in the garage or working on the car, but don't forget the laundry and the dusting. Doesn't really sound like manly work I know, but, why not do it and enjoy the praise you'll get when the wife comes home? Seriously, what else are you doing with your time??!!
Little things go a long way for a woman. When my wife says "ice cream sounds really good right now." I get up and get her a bowl of ice cream. She doesn't have to ask for it, it just appears. I heard "ice cream sounds really good right now", but what she was saying was "I worked my ass off today and I would love a bowl of ice cream, would you please get me some? Thank you I'll love you forever". It's the little things guys. Foot rubs also go a very long way. It's something my wife loves and greatly appreciates when I do it. Again she doesn't (and shouldn't) have to ask for. I'm not doing anything better anyway. It shows that I care about her needs and it says I respect you and you'd do it for me. And hey you never know, that foot rub might lead to more erotic things!! Why wouldn't you want to do that??!!
Respect and love your wives by showing them you give a crap.
These are just a few tips I have to offer, more to come.
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